1 True Talks
1 True Talks
Building Emotional Intimacy Beyond Physical Attraction
Discover the secrets to building emotional intimacy that transcends physical attraction and creates lasting connections. This week, we promise you'll learn how to strengthen your relationship through faith and scripture, particularly drawing from Genesis 2:24. We'll share a touching story about a newlywed couple that highlights the importance of transparency and emotional maturity. Through practical tips like starting with audible conversations and reflecting before speaking, you'll gain valuable insights into how to deepen your emotional bonds and support each other through life's challenges.
Join us as we emphasize the transformative power of "Couch Talk," a dedicated time for open, vulnerable communication. By using "I" statements and practicing active and compassionate listening, as highlighted by Proverbs 18:13, you can reduce defensiveness and promote understanding. Regular check-ins, expressing gratitude, and understanding love languages are key practices that will help you grow closer to your partner. We'll also introduce you to conflict resolution within faith-based relationships, preparing you for next week's episode. Don't miss out on these powerful strategies to cultivate a resilient and fulfilling relationship.
Hi, I'm Renee Richel, the founder and president of One True Match. I'm here to help you find and cultivate the love of your life. For over a decade, I've dedicated my life to the importance, purpose and dynamic of human relationships. My team and I are disciplined by faith, love and integrity to help our clients find the quality relationship they've always dreamt of. Each week, I will be sharing the tools and tips I've learned that have rooted my success as a matchmaker with other leaders around the world.
Renee Richel:Hello, loves, welcome back. I hope you have been listening to our last several podcasts, because these tips that are coming in from just our clients, just staff, just in general our team and other people wanting to know answers to the questions we're talking about, I think are so important. So today we are going to dive into building emotional intimacy beyond physical attraction, which is huge. So how do we do that? Let's dive right in is let's talk about the foundation of emotional intimacy. Emotional intimacy is the glue that holds relationships together, especially when the initial spark of a physical attraction fades. It's about feeling safe, understood and connecting on a deeper level.
Renee Richel:In Genesis 2.24, it says that it is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they both become one flesh, which is the union we all talk about. That is the goal and the destination that we all want to get to, and I can't tell you how many times I have shared this one story that I can't remember. The pastor that once told me this, but it really stuck and resonated in my heart about cleaving and leaving, and I think so many times this verse is overlooked and if you don't think of this in a more meaningful matter. What happens is, you know, we start to turn to our friends, our parents, the people that we feel know us best, before we're actually leaning and talking to a new wife or a new husband or a new relationship. And if we can't have a completely transparent conversation with the person we're with, that we're choosing to marry, then first, of all, we're not the right person and second of all, our mindset, which is huge, is wrong.
Renee Richel:So there is a story. I'm going to share this because I hope this resonates with you and next time you're in this position or you're thinking about, you know, a relationship, is this the right one or not? Is? There was a new couple that had just gotten married and they had gotten into a big argument, and the wife, which is the daughter of the mother. She ran home to her house where she grew up and her parents still lived in the same house and she the story is in the middle of the night and the storm, she ran to her mother's home and was knocking on the front door just to basically complain about her husband and how he wasn't listening, he wasn't doing all the things that she wanted and their marriage was on the rocks and the way the story is described.
Renee Richel:There was basically a front door that had a window at the top of it and there was a curtain and the mother had drawn the door, curtain shut and said to the door you need to go home and fix your marriage with your husband. Not that I'm promoting you. Don't go to seek help when things are difficult. The point is, the first person that you should ever have a conversation about in a situation you're in is the Lord, first and foremost. Pray about it, talk to the Lord about it.
Renee Richel:Ask him to take away any complications or confusions or stress or just whatever's going on out of your heart to love your husband, to love your wife, to love your mate, the person you're with, that you choose to want to be with for the rest of your life, to think through it as them, with them, for them to then come together and actually have a conversation, not as I'm right, you're right, I'm right, you're wrong, but to then come together and actually have a conversation, not as I'm right, you're right, I'm right, You're wrong, but to actually come together and say I love you, I'm sorry.
Renee Richel:Let's talk this through. We're two totally different people. How do we actually make this into something where we're creating our own style, our own design for our marriage, creating our own style, our own design for our marriage? So just a little story to always remember it's so important that we really have a partner that we can be emotionally mature and intimate with, so emotional maturity allows couples to support each other through their life challenges, share their deepest fears and dreams and truly know one another.
Renee Richel:You know I give examples all the time about it's that connection when you first meet somebody. And there's when we, when we do a match and obviously an introduction with the client and in a match, we have them always start off with an audible phone call. Even when we're doing interviews, we'll start off with an audible phone call before we ever do what we call the video verification or, you know, a FaceTime or a Zoom call, just because there's so much research done that when people listen more than they see, they are able to go on a deeper level in audible listening than they are distracted by the physical. You know, obviously phone call or in person. So if you think about it, there are so many times.
Renee Richel:I do exercises with my daughter.
Speaker 2:Now, talking about you, know, think before you speak, right, and there is a lot of truth. When you close your eyes and you really think through what you're going to say opposed to looking at something or someone that is a distraction. It's a really great exercise to be able to articulate your feelings and thoughts so that when you're actually in front of somebody, you can repeat what you're feeling instead of the distraction by that. So remember that next time you are trying to have an emotional, intimate conversation of, the biggest tool in the stuff of that is to process, reflect and think what you're going to say before you're going to say it, and rehearse it.
Speaker 2:Like no performer, nothing in life is, you know, easy in regards to the whole show without the practice right. So you have to practice for sure. When it comes to emotional intimacy and just sharing your heart, being vulnerable is not the easiest, I would say. Number two, the role of vulnerability. So vulnerability is the key to emotional intimacy. It's about being open, honest and willing to share parts of yourself that you might not normally, that you might not normally share and keep hidden from somebody. It can be scary, Of course. It is necessary for a deeper connection.
Renee Richel:When people tell me all day long if they want a deep connection with somebody and I always say, okay, describe what that looks like. And it is incredible to me how many people actually don't really know what to share or think or explain their heart. So we do something. Uh, you know, as I was saying earlier, practice makes perfection. We do something in our course called Love Starts With you and whether you're single, engaged or married, it's a course for all to really understand and dive into. You know your purpose, your heart, your vulnerability, your soul and understanding the DNA that God has made you to be. And if you're single, going through this course, we pair our singles with what we call buddies that actually help them to practice with a complete stranger, to be able to feel safe and secure to share, maybe for the first time, maybe the second time or the third time, but where they're able to truly express and feel confident and comfortable who they are. I think there's a big part of a lot of people walking around where they have been through relationships. They have even going down to childhood where they have felt you know, they. I call it scar tissue that's built up over time and our emotions and feelings are always pushed down right. You need to be strong, you need to be always together in order to get where you want to get. You have to have that face, you have to have it face you have to have it together and the reality of it is we all have feelings and some of us you know, cry, maybe a little more than others, because we're.
Renee Richel:That's how they, you know, um deal with their emotions, or they, they process. There's other times that people don't, and then they completely have a meltdown, and so a big part of it is getting real with yourself and your inner core, to communicate that with yourself so that you can start to transform the way that you have emotional, intimate conversations. Starting by sharing small things about yourself is a great step. Your thoughts, your feelings, your day-to-day experiences over time work up to sharing more personal and sensitive topics. Um, you know, active listening is something that I personally have had to master. It's not something that I think we're just born with. We're born to learn how to talk, and then, when we learn how to talk, sometimes we talk a lot more than we practice listening. So listening when your partner is being vulnerable is so huge. I can't tell you how many times we sit with couples or, just in general, individuals, and I I'm a victim of you know, I used to do it myself too.
Renee Richel:So I'm not going to sit here and say I'm perfect and we all need to get better at it. But when we stop and we actually listen and stop thinking, we're actually thinking and we get out of our own head and we show up present ready to listen, it really shows empathy and it completely avoids judgment. And you know, I mean today, in today's world, one of the biggest problems that people have is they judge others instantly, not even knowing people Right. And then that gets into trouble. And I always tell it, you know, I always say God gave us judgment for a reason and that was to get us out of a dark back alley of some bad situation, to have smart judgment to get us out of that situation, to get us out of a dark back alley of some bad situation. To have smart judgment to get us out of that situation, to protect us.
Renee Richel:But judgment is an awful vicious cycle that people then miss out so many opportunities because they are quickly thinking or over, you know, shadowing somebody's just identity of who they are, because they put them into a box and they truly don't know who they are, which is another big reason why people are not good at being vulnerable because of what people have done to individuals in the past.
Renee Richel:So this is definitely huge to remember, to be actively listening, even if it means you forgot your thought in the conversation, has to be picked up at another time because you run out of time. Jot down notes, like if you think something and you don't want to forget it. I always write down a note because then that way I can't forget it, but I'm also not forgetting the person I'm sitting in front of to remember. So I hope that's a tool that will definitely help. You know, like it says in James 5, 16, it encourages us to confess our sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. While this refers to spiritual healing, it also highlights the power of vulnerability and deepening a relationship. I just did a podcast on this last week. So if you didn't listen to last week's podcast about you know surrounding yourself around people that empower you, that rise you up, that you do equally the same for is paramount to you.
Renee Richel:Know your own self, um care and just love for others when you have prayer warriors and um just cheerleaders that are encouraging you to be your best version of yourself, because if you're in the dumps, or you're, you know, feeling lonely or lost or confused or stressed or exhausted or any of those things, those are all internal emotions that you have told yourself or somebody around you has portrayed on you, and so it is important to surround yourself around leaders that are prayer warriors or people that uplift you and encourage you, um, and speak into you in ways that keep you strong and going, and if you're, you know maybe in an area where you don't have a lot of those people you don't want to do.
Renee Richel:There are so many podcasts and so many like resources these these days to Google how to have positive, like mindset, how to have great communication. All these things like learn, be like a child and continue to thirst and learn and, um, enrich your brain to be able to be the best version of yourself. Um, I would say number three would be open communication and its power. So communication is the key of any relationship. Right, we would all agree. Without communication, you might as well just be alone and not in a relationship. But open communication means more than just talking, which I can't express this enough. It's about sharing openly and honestly and listening without interrupting or judging, which is what you know I obviously was talking about is transparency, like where you can just go back and forth in an unjudgmental situation and just feel like you can share anything, even if it's sounds completely crazy or off the wall or whatever it is. Um, you know it's important to create a safe space for dialogue, and setting aside regular time to talk without distractions is huge, and this is what we in our company and I feel like everybody in anybody listening to their podcast you've probably heard me say it a million times If you haven't tune in to one of our podcasts that talks about couch talk.
Renee Richel:Couch talk is key and what couch talk is is obviously a design time where two people are talking about things that they're plugging into their heart, their soul, in a place. It's not judgmental, it's not distraction and it's funny because I do this with my daughter now all the time, who is about to be six, and I also do this with my team, so it's really of all ages and it doesn't matter male, female, single, not whatever, but um, and it's funny because I told her the other day I said well, do you want to couch talk about this? And she goes I do not like how to talk about this. And I said you're not in trouble, nothing's wrong. Couch talk is not meant to be like you're in trouble, let's talk. Couch talk is meant to be let's share, let's both be vulnerable in whatever the situation is going on so that we can both achieve blissful happiness.
Renee Richel:right and whatever it is, because I care about you. I know you care about me. I don't want to keep going down the same pattern in the same routine to expect a different result. Unless we couch talk about it, she goes okay, mommy, right. So those are the moments where you know it's important, because I think everybody has gone through those conversations where they're uncomfortably talking about something they don't want to talk about. But when you're with somebody that you can trust and you can be completely transparent with um, you know you're really able to get to know yourself better and your partner, and then you can grow and thrive in, you know, your relationship.
Renee Richel:So another thing that always often comes up when we're having conversations with people I would assume most people know this, but I sometimes you just never know is stay away from the I statements, uh, to express your feelings, you know, such as I feel hurt when, or I feel that you're not. You know, instead of the you always right. So this reduces the defensiveness and promotes understanding. So it's you have to definitely express that I feel this or I. You know, when I do this kind of thing, it's like a trigger and I react in a way that I don't mean to, and I know. It's something that I want to work on, as opposed to saying, well, every time I bring this up, you get mad at me and then you did that, which right, that's just right there, putting somebody in a defense mindset where they're going to quickly say something back that then turns into an argument.
Renee Richel:So remember to always pick the right time and not just speak when you feel something, but to find the couch, talk time to actually have a real conversation. You know, it shows compassion and it shows meaning. It shows you care not only about yourself which you should always care about yourself but also your mate, because you've taken that time to be mature in your emotional intimacy. Another reference to the Bible that I love that really reminds me of this entire topic of conversation is Proverbs 18, 13 says the one who gives an answer before he listens is foolish and disgrace. Listening is a critical component of open communication. This shows respect and love for your partner, which is a huge part of being in an intimate, romantic, faith-based relationship that just grows when we practice this. So let's dive into a few more tips that I think would be very beneficial and helpful to you. Number four would be combining um, combining vulnerability and communication to deep emotional connection right.
Renee Richel:That's what we're talking about. That's what we all want is a deeper connection with the person that we're with or the person that we're yet to meet. Right, and the best part of being single is now you have this drive rehearsal to practice on, so when you meet that person, you're not wasting an opportunity of meeting somebody that could be the one for you because you're truly ready. When you combine vulnerability and open communication, you create an environment where emotional intimacy can thrive. It's about being real with each other, showing your true selves and growing together. This is where I always tell everybody through our Love Starts With you, course, is finding your core soul, and somebody else's is the roadmap to being able to know who the right matches that God has designed for you.
Renee Richel:It takes time to do regular check-ins where you discuss how you're feeling in a relationship, but it's totally worth it. Which, again, if you haven't listened to the podcast, go to what Couch Talk is. Master that, master that, master that with your friends, master that with your team. Master that with your friends, master that with your team. Master that with your colleagues. Master that with your friends, master that with your children, and there's so many other podcasts like personality type, love language. All those things help us to better understand ourselves so that we can communicate, and if somebody loves you, they actually want you to discover this, so that they can discover you deeper. Be intentional about expressing gratitude and appreciation for your partner's vulnerability and honesty. It's not something that any of us at least I know, not me. I wake up and say, okay, so I want to talk about my feelings all day long and I want to be surely exhausted at the end of the day, so that I have nothing left in me, because vulnerability will take a lot out of you.
Renee Richel:However, when you put in the time to be able to do that, it's incredible how the relationship thrives and grows on a whole deeper level. So remember, to build emotional intimacy takes time, practice and effort, but the reward is incredibly. Better than you've ever imagined, I promise you. I've watched this happen with so many of our couples, obviously in our own relationships that we surround our team with that are just so different when we take the time to do this.
Renee Richel:A deeper more fulfilling relationship that can weather any storm is the relationship intimacy you want and to nurture it so that it continues to grow for a lifetime of love together. I would say in closing emotional intimacy goes beyond the physical attraction and touches the very heart of a relationship. It's built on trust, vulnerability and open communication. If you focus on these areas, your connection will grow stronger and more meaningful over time. Remember about, remember above and remember all the above and remember to maintain the relationship with one another. Once love covered, love covers, once love covers a multitude of sins. Like it says in 1 Peter, 4 through 8 and in Mark 12, 31,.
Renee Richel:Love your neighbors as yourself. So if you're not treating others the way that you want, even when you're single or married or in a relationship, others the way that you want, even when you're single or married or in a relationship, that's when you need to check your relationship with the person you have and start thinking about treating your neighbor as yourself and loving the person that you're with on a level that is so different than maybe what you've ever experienced. Emotional intimacy is about loving deeply, about loving deeply beyond just the surface, into the depth of who we are. God's design for you. God's design for you know your the love of your life that he wants you to meet. I encourage you to take the steps this week to be more vulnerable and open with your partner or your friends or your buddy, as our love starts with you.
Renee Richel:You know clients go through the course and they receive a buddy to practice on. I love that when they do that and they've become the dearest of friends because they've been vulnerable and they've practiced that, share something you've been, you know, holding back or ask them how they truly are feeling, it's amazing how you ask that question and how much somebody opens up and, as always, keep God at the center of your relationship is so important. I hope you have found these tips and just little pieces of nugget that are helpful in your daily walk and you remember these things to continuously go back to, to enrich, to grow, to grow. I have to constantly be continuously reading and reminding myself when things get out of whack or things are off balance, to go back and just practice the basics. None of us are perfect. Remember that every day. I'd say.
Renee Richel:You know, when the sun sets and the sun rises the next day, it's a new opportunity to start off fresh and transform your way of thinking and transform the way that you love and give, to have the most rich relationship, not only with the Lord first, but also the love of your life. That's either in your life you have today. That's a blessing, or the one that's going to bless you going forward because you're truly ready, or the one that's going to bless you going forward because you're truly ready. Next week, we're going to talk about conflict resolution, fighting fair in a faith-based relationship. So make sure you tune in every Thursday, subscribe, share this to whoever is in need of this powerful message, and remember to go back and listen to some other podcasts, and we just love these topics of conversations that are constantly being brought into us by audience. Just like you, I'm going to love and leave you and hope you have a blessed week.
Renee Richel:It's been another great talk on this episode of One True Talks by Renee Richel. I look forward to our next chat. Please write in your questions and comments so I can be sure to talk about whatever it is you want to discuss in our next upcoming episode. Lots of love, god bless XOXO.