1 True Talks
1 True Talks
How to Speak Your Spouse's Love Language
Have you ever poured your heart into loving someone, only to discover they still don't feel loved? That jarring disconnect is exactly what sparked this transformative exploration of love languages in marriage. Drawing from a vulnerable personal experience, Renee shares how she finally understood that while she was doing "all the things" to show love, she was missing the mark completely because she was speaking her own love language, not her partner's.
This episode bridges Dr. Gary Chapman's renowned 5 love languages concept with scriptural foundations, revealing how even Jesus demonstrated all five languages throughout his ministry—speaking affirmation, performing acts of service, giving gifts, spending quality time, and using healing touch.
We dive deep into practical strategies for identifying your spouse's primary love language through their expressions of love, complaints, and moments of joy. Whether they crave words of affirmation, acts of service, thoughtful gifts, quality time, or physical touch, you'll discover actionable ways to communicate love in ways that truly matter to them. Most importantly, we address the common challenge of navigating different love languages within a relationship, offering guidance on stepping outside comfort zones to love intentionally and selflessly.
Marriage thrives not when we love perfectly, but when we love purposefully in ways that reach our partner's heart. As you implement these insights, you'll find yourself connecting more deeply and authentically than ever before. Subscribe now and join our conversation next week about healthy conflict resolution in marriage. Share your questions and experiences—we'd love to address them in upcoming episodes!
Hi, I'm Renee Richel, the founder and president of 1 True Match. I'm here to help you find and cultivate the love of your life. For over a decade, I've dedicated my life to the importance, purpose and dynamic of human relationships. My team and I are disciplined by faith, love and integrity to help our clients find the quality relationship they've always dreamt of. Each week, I will be sharing the tools and tips I've learned that have rooted my success as a matchmaker with other leaders around the world. Hello, loves, welcome back. I hope you are having an incredible week and this message is going to empower and inspire you.
Renee Richel:Let's dive right in and talk about how to speak your spouse's love language, which is such a huge topic. Let me tell you about a time I thought I was showing love, but I was completely missing the mark. I was going out of my way to do things, leaving sweet notes, running errands, making sure everything was just right, but instead of feeling loved and appreciated, my partner still seemed distant. I couldn't understand it. I kept thinking I'm doing all the things, why doesn't it seem to matter? Then, one day, we had an honest conversation and I'll never forget what he said. I know you love me, but I just wish you had more time to be together. That's when it hit me I was showing love the way I wanted to receive it, not the way he needed it. How often do we do this? We pour love into our marriages but we're not speaking our spouse's love language. It may not be reaching their heart the way we think it is. That's why we're talking about this today how to love your spouse in a way that truly matters. You might have heard of the five languages from Dr. Gary Chapman, but did you know this concept actually aligns beautifully with scripture.
Renee Richel:Think about how Jesus showed love. He didn't just love people one way, he met them where they were. He spoke words of affirmation, served others, spent time with them, gave gifts and even used physical touch to heal. So let's break it down together Words of affirmation, speaking, encouragement, appreciation and love. Proverbs 16:24 is a wonderful reminder of this. Generous words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
Renee Richel:Acts of service, showing love through actions, small thoughts, gestures that say I was thinking of you In Galatians 5:13,. It tells us to serve one another humbly in love, receiving gifts, as James 1:17,. Every good and perfect gift is from above. Buying someone your favorite snack or a bouquet of flowers lets them know you were thinking of them. It's not about being materialistic, it's the thought behind the gift that counts. Quality time, giving undivided attention to that person allows them to feel loved, cherished and taken care of. Ecclesiastes 4: 9 through 10 reminds us two are better than one. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.
Renee Richel:Physical touch Expressing love through touch, like hugs, kisses or simply holding hands. Mark 10, 16 tells us. And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them. It's important to understand. Each of us naturally lean towards one or two of these, but our spouse may seek a different love language. The key is a thriving marriage. Learning to speak their language.
Renee Richel:You may be wondering to yourself okay, renee, this sounds great, but how do I figure out my spouse's love language? Do I figure out my spouse's love language? Here are some ways to easily discover it. 1. Look at how they express love. Do they always give compliments? They might value words of affirmation or do they consistently do things to help? They may speak acts of service. They may speak acts of service. Two, listen to what they complain about. If they say you never have time for me, they probably crave quality time. Or if they say you never hold my hand anymore, they may need more physical touch. Three pay attention to what lights them up. Do they light up when you write them a little handwritten love note words of affirmation? Do they get excited over surprise gifts, receiving gifts? And the best way ask them have a real open conversation about it what makes you feel most loved by me? Sometimes the answer will surprise you. There is a love language test you can take individually online that will also tell each of you what your love languages are. Trust me, this will be a game changer in your marriage.
Renee Richel:All right, now that we know love language, let's talk about action. How do we actually love our spouse in a way that fits their heart? Here are some practical ways. For each love language Words of affirmation, send a thoughtful text, leave a note in their car or simply say Honey, thank you for unloading the dishwasher. I appreciate you so much.
Renee Richel:Proverbs 18:21 tells us the tongue has the power of life and death. Acts of service Cook their favorite meal, fill up their gas tank and take something off their plate. Love is shown through action. 1 John 3:18 says Let us not love with words or speech, but with actions and, in truth, receiving gifts. This doesn't mean expensive things. It could be a small flower, their favorite snack or a book they mentioned they wanted. Luke 6:28 reminds us to give and it will be given to you Quality time. Put down the phone, turn off the TV and fully be present. Turn off the TV and fully be present. Plan a date night or just sit and talk over morning coffee. In Psalms 90:12, it says Teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom, physical touch, a hug before they leave for work, holding their hands while walking or even just sitting close on the couch, snuggled up with one another. In Genesis 2:24, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Renee Richel:The goal is to be intentional, because love isn't just about feelings, it's about action. Now, what if you and your spouse have completely different love languages? Maybe you crave words of affirmation, but they show love through acts of service. Affirmation, but they show love through acts of service. Here's the truth. It does take effort, but it's worth it. One communicate openly. Tell each other what makes you feel loved. Two be willing to step outside of your comfort zone. Even if something doesn't come naturally to you, do it because it matters to them and lifts their spirit, because you would want them to do the same for you.
Renee Richel:Three pray for God to help you love your spouse well. In Philippians 2: 4, it says let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Love isn't just about what we want. It's about learning to love selflessly. In conclusion, I want to challenge you this week Be intentional about speaking your spouse's love language. Remember it doesn't have to be anything over the top. Just one small act can make a huge difference.
Renee Richel:I'd love to close up with prayer. Father, thank you for the beautiful gift of marriage. Teach us to love the way you love, with patience, kindness and intentionality. Help us to see our spouse through your eyes and to speak love in a way that draws us closer. May our marriage reflect your love, grace and goodness In Jesus' name, amen. If this episode blessed you, share it with your friends. It means so much. And remember love is a choice we make every day, so let's do our best this week to choose to love each other well and with intention. Next week we're going to talk about healthy fights, stronger marriages, breaking unhealthy patterns and communicating with love. I hope you have a fabulous week and cannot wait for our next chat next Thursday. God Bless, it's been another great talk on this episode of 1 True Talks by Renee Richel. I look forward to our next chat. Please write in your questions and comments so I can be sure to talk about whatever it is you want to discuss in our next upcoming episode. Lots of love, God Bless. XOXO.