1 True Talks
1 True Talks
Red Flags & Reroutes: When God Says This is Not "The One"
Ever wondered if that uneasy feeling about someone you're dating is just fear, or something more divine? When your spirit feels unsettled despite promising appearances, it might be the Holy Spirit's gentle protection rather than your own pickiness.
We break down six critical red flags that may appear innocent but actually serve as divine whispers saying "this is not your person." From spiritual disconnection (the most significant warning sign) to inconsistent character, lack of accountability, emotional manipulation, unhealed wounds, and the heartbreaking experience of losing yourself, each red flag represents God's loving guidance toward something better.
"Sometimes the enemy will send distractions as desires," Renee explains, reminding us that as believers, we're dating for purpose, not just attention. The world teaches us to overlook warning signs for the sake of butterflies or to avoid loneliness, but God's protection often comes disguised as rejection. Those disappointing dating detours are actually divine redirections toward the person who will truly complement your identity in Christ.
Whether you're currently dating, healing from a relationship that displayed these warning signs, or preparing for future connections, this episode provides spiritual clarity and practical wisdom. Remember, you weren't created to be someone's emotional rehabilitation center, you were designed for partnership rooted in faith, consistency, and mutual growth. Share this episode with friends navigating their own dating journeys, and join us next week as we explore kingdom-minded dating that's not casual, but called.
Hi, I'm Renee Richel, the founder and president of 1 True Match. I'm here to help you find and cultivate the love of your life. For over a decade, I've dedicated my life to the importance, purpose and dynamic of human relationships. My team and I are disciplined by faith, love and integrity to help our clients find the quality relationship they've always dreamt of. Each week, I will be sharing the tools and tips I've learned that have rooted my success as a matchmaker with other leaders around the world. Hello, loves, welcome back. I hope you have had an incredible week.
Renee Richel:I am so excited to do a follow up from our podcast last week talking about red flags and reroutes. When God says, this is not the one we are still diving into our dating series, and in today's episode, this one I wish every single person could hear at the start of their dating journey. Last week we talked about green flags, meaning what to look for in a godly partner, and if you missed last week's episode, please feel free to go back and give it a listen. What about the times when you're dating someone or you met someone promising and your spirit just doesn't really feel settled? That's not you being picky, that's not fear. Sometimes that's the Holy Spirit trying to protect you from something that is not meant for you. Remember, the world's rejection is God's protection. Today, we're breaking down six red flags that might look innocent on the outside but are really God's way of whispering this is not your person. So grab your journal, grab your coffee, your tea or beverage of choice and let's dive in. Let's start with this Red flags aren't just about danger. They're about discernment. Sometimes the enemy will send distractions as desires. The red flags are God's way of lovingly tapping you on the shoulder and saying I have someone better in store for you, trust me. The world teaches us to overlook red flags in the name of potential butterflies or loneliness, but as believers, we're not dating for attention. We're dating for purpose. So here are some major red flags to pay attention to, not just in others, but sometimes in ourselves too.
Renee Richel:Red flag number one spiritual disconnection. This is the biggest one. They don't have a personal relationship with Jesus. If Jesus isn't in the center of their life, he can't be the center of your relationship. Here's the truth. If someone doesn't walk closely with God, they cannot lead you, support you or love you the way you're called to be loved. Do not be unequally yoked with un believers. 2 Corinthians 6:14, dating the right one is all about alignment.
Renee Richel:Red flag number two inconsistent character. Let me paint a picture for you. Week one they're quoting scripture and showering you with affection and words of affirmation. Week three they disappear for three days with no explanation. Week four they're back, acting like nothing happened. Sounds familiar. That is not clarity, that is confusion. And, as we are reminded in 1 Corinthians 14:33, god is not the author of confusion.
Renee Richel:A godly relationship is built on consistency, not perfection, but predictability in their behavior, words and emotional availability. Red flag examples they say one thing but emotional availability. Red flag examples they say one thing but do another. Their values shift based on who's watching. They have spiritual highs but no rooted healthy habits of their life, not the fluff they try to tell you but then don't follow through. If they're great at apologizing but never changing, that's not growth, that's manipulation with good manners.
Renee Richel:Red flag number three no accountability or community. Let's talk about the lone wolves, the I don't need advice from anyone types. If someone has no spiritual covering, no mentors and no one speaking truth into their life, that's not independence, that's isolation into their life. That's not independence, that's isolation. And you might be thinking, Renee? Does that really matter? Of course it does. It matters because when life gets tough, who do they go to for wisdom? Who holds them accountable? Who can correct them with love and grace? Red flag examples they dismiss the idea of counseling or mentorship. They get defensive when you ask about their community. Proverbs 11: 14 says In the multitude of councils there is safety. So if they live like they're their own authority, they'll struggle to honor yours.
Renee Richel:Red flag number four emotional manipulation and control. This one can be subtle, but over time it starts to wear down on your soul. If you find yourself constantly second-guessing what you're allowed to say, how you're allowed to feel or whether your needs are too much, that's not love, that's control. Red flag examples they gaslight you. You're too sensitive. They make you feel guilty for having boundaries. They isolate you from friends or spiritual community. They get angry with you when you say no. According to 1 Corinthians, 13: 4-7, love is patient, love is kind, love doesn't coerce, it protects honors and a bliss. So if someone uses your emotions against you, that's not your forever person. That's a warning sign straight from heaven.
Renee Richel:Red flag number five unhealed wounds and unchecked baggage. Look, we've all been through things past heartbreak, trauma, rejection. However, a green flag is someone who's aware of their wounds and brings them to God for healing wounds. And brings them to God for healing. The red flag is someone who's ignoring their baggage or, worse, projecting it onto you and your new relationship with you. Red flag examples they constantly talk about their ex negatively and longingly. They sabotage healthy intimacy because they're afraid you'll leave. They act out of fear, not faith. Jealousy, clinginess and total emotional shutdown. You were never meant to be someone's emotional rehab center. You are not their rescue mission. You are their partner in Christ. True healing in personal between them and God. Don't try to speed it up so you can have a relationship. That's how cycles start.
Renee Richel:Red flag number six you're losing yourself. This is one that breaks my heart the most. You're dating someone and suddenly you stop hanging out with your family and friends. You stop serving, you shrink your voice, you tolerate things you never thought you would, and all to keep the peace. Red flag examples You're exhausted trying to make it work. You silence your convictions to avoid tension. You feel lonelier in the relationship than you did when you were single.
Renee Richel:God never asks you to abandon your identity to be in love. He brings someone who reflects you and who you are in him, not someone who makes you forget it and lose yourself in the process. So, in conclusion, I know it can feel difficult. You prayed, you waited, you thought this could be it, and then the red flags start to show. And now you're asking God why would you let me go through this Lord, only to say no, god is not punishing you, he's protecting you. Sometimes God will let us feel a little hurt now to save us from a lifelong of heartache later down the road. I want to encourage you you are not alone and you are not behind. God is doing something beautiful in your story, even when it feels like a detour. So remember to trust in what you hear from the Lord and always, always, be who God has beautifully designed you to be.
Renee Richel:Share this episode with a friend who might need it, post it, tag us at 1 True Match and let's keep having these honest, real talk conversations Until next time. Walk in wisdom, wait with purpose and trust that God sees what you don't, and when he says this is not the one, it's only because he's preparing you for who. The one is better than you can ever dream of and imagine. Next week we are going to talk about, not casual, but called dating with a kingdom mindset. I hope you have a fantastic week and I cannot wait for our next chat. God bless, it's been another great talk on this episode of 1 True Talks by Renee Richel. I look forward to our next chat. Please write in your questions and comments so I can be sure to talk about whatever it is you want to discuss in our next upcoming episode. Lots of Love, God Bless. XOXO.