Divorce Does Not Define You

Divorce can leave you questioning your judgment, your worth, and whether love is even safe again. We sit down with our 1 True Match team to talk about what actually helps you rebuild after heartbreak, not by rushing into the next relationship, but by healing with intention and letting faith lead the process.

Renee Richel is joined by Darlene Daniels, our relationship coach and love coach, plus matchmaker Jennifer Orr, to unpack what “ready to date” looks like in real life. We talk about emotional clarity, personal accountability, and spiritual grounding, along with the red flags we hear when someone is still carrying the heat of their divorce. You’ll also hear why support matters so much, whether it’s therapy after divorce, pastoral counseling, divorce care, or coaching that helps you break old patterns and stop repeating the same relationship cycle.

Then we get practical about the conversations that protect your future marriage. We walk through the hard topics many people avoid until it’s too late: money and financial mindset, kids and family expectations, communication and conflict style, faith and purpose, boundaries, intimacy needs, and what “healthy” actually looks like day to day. If you want Christian dating advice that respects your heart and still tells the truth, this conversation is for you.

If you’re navigating post-divorce dating, trying to trust again, or simply want a smarter approach to finding a Christ-centered relationship, press play. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs hope, and leave a review so more people can find these tools for real love.

Transcript

Welcome And Why This Matters

Renee Richel 0:03

Hello and welcome back. We are so excited for you to be here with us today. And I have brought my team. So I love all of our audience writing in and saying what they want to ask and asking us questions. But also today, I have my powerhouse with me. Um, and we're gonna bring more of our team in and just hear also behind the scenes of what happens when it comes to not only matchmaking, but in today's dating age. But today we're gonna talk about kind of 2.0 of if you listen to our talk last week about divorce, and I brought in um Amanda West and Karina, which we talked about our own personal stories and how we've overcome the journey of the difficult decisions and uh challenges that people sometimes do face in the reality of divorce. So this was a topic that you all were asking us to talk more about. So I am sitting here today with uh Darlene Daniels, who is our relationship coach, we call her our love coach, that works directly with some of our clients to make sure they are ready for love. Um, and so she's gonna shed some light on some of our clients that we've spoken to that have gone through this walk of obviously divorce. And Jennifer Orr, who is one of our matchmakers here at One True Match, that also works with a plethora of all different types of clients, then we are excited to kind of go through some questions that our audience was asking us and share just some light of you're not alone, first of all. In whatever stage you're going through, whether it be the very beginning phases of the reality of just a very challenging marriage and you've tried everything. Um, if you're having questions or anything else, we love to be a resource to guide people to the right individuals. Or if you're, you know, just recently divorced or you're going through it right now. I hope that this message and this conversation today gives you encouragement, gives you hope, and just um prepares you for what is ahead, which is true love when it is God infused in your heart and the one he has designed for you. So we have a lot to talk about. We're gonna just dive in, but I do want to kind of reiterate the stats that I started off in our last podcast we did of the divorce rates. So the latest stats that are from modern family law is in 2024, um, the divorce rate still remains between 40 to 50 percent, which is so high. And that's first-time marriages. For second-time marriages, that goes up tremendously by about 60 to 67 percent. For third-time marriages, we are talking about 70% of you know, divorce, obviously. Um, what I also love that they also did research on from the Pew Research Center is that they said people that attend church more regularly are 14% less likely to get divorced. So if you think about who you've been married to or just your walk in Christ, how focused was that as your foundation in that marriage? And to also know that, you know, as you're choosing your next new partner, to make sure that that is at the core and the center of your focus, that you both are obviously surrounding yourself around other the right community, the right church as well, that are just fueling in your marriage of a Christ-centered relationship. So welcome, darlene. Thank you. Thank you.

Darlene Daniels 3:42

Thank you for inviting me today.

Jennifer Orr 3:43

And welcome, Jennifer. Thank you.

Why We Coach And Matchmake

Renee Richel 3:46

Okay, so let's go into the questions because everybody wants to hear, right, some of these answers. And if this is not for you or you know somebody else, please share this podcast to inspire them and help them. But let's dive into some of the things that I know we're all the three of us in our team are going through when we talk to and asking our clients, what is your relationship history? And again, everybody has a history, and I don't want the big D word to define you. The last podcast we just talked about, does that change your identity? No, it changes your outcome, I would say to be wiser, but your identity is rooted deeply in faith in Christ, right? First and foremost. So that word, that title, other than our own internal feelings behind it, the the key is to forgive, to move forward and know who you are, because that title does is not part of your future, right? Too. So um, please share. I'm gonna start with you, darling. We're gonna kind of do a roundtable discussion like we did in the last one and having these conversations, but please share your motivation for being matchmaker, aka you're the love coach, right? And what fuels you to help others become their best selves for their best possible relationship?

Darlene Daniels 5:04

Wow, that's a big question. Um, the motivation uh for being a relationship and love coach comes from the deepest belief that love is with God's greatest gift, right? Um, and that everyone deserves to have an experience being in a relationship, being healthy, purposeful, and fulfilling. Um I personally walk along the side of my clients, and whether it's through heartbreak, loss, healing, personal growth. And, you know, when individuals learn to love themselves and honor their values and trust God's timing, it's all about the timing, they naturally attract healthier relationships. We always always want to find out to make sure that that person is healing first and if they've done the work. Um, so the passion for me, guiding people back to their to their worth, their faith and their confidence is something that I just love um, love doing and love walking alongside them.

Jennifer Orr 6:05

So for me, it was just a natural curiosity about other people since I was a little girl. I've always loved connecting with others and adding in love, which I feel like I've been really fortunate and blessed. I am on the other side of a divorce, and now I have been with my husband for 17 years, and um I love love. So it's it's such a great fun environment to work in and to be supportive of the men and women that we work with. Um it's been really natural and it's been fun.

First Advice For Dating Again

Renee Richel 6:43

Which I ever all of you are so good at what you do because of our passion behind what we do. And just like you, right? I love love. I personally was trying to figure out uh why falling in love was so hard. So I'm always fascinated by research, study. I was like the mad scientist for a couple of years, just figuring out why am I so good at whatever I put my mind to? Why is love so hard, right? And so I do tell everybody it was the passion behind the curiosity that then led to my calling, obviously, and my mission to change the divorce rate is what I was witnessing a lot of my friends and other people, or just in general, I was witnessing why do so many people either quit too fast, choose the wrong person, or whatever. And so I was infatuated with that to then realize, well, it begins with oneself. And if we start with the end result in mind, we work it backwards, maybe we could have new success. And so um, to me, I actually was like, okay, I don't want to get divorced. Let me figure out how to be married before like you're in a relationship so that you then have the fundamental principles that will help you to attract a marriage-minded person. And so I would say, as far as like my motivation, it didn't start off to be a matchmaker. It was honestly because then I realized I didn't have the knowledge that I have now when I chose and and met my husband at the time, my ex, obviously. Um, I thought, oh, this is like what you're supposed to do. But then I realized once you realize it's not what you should have asked or realized who you're, you know, with, then it was also it motivated me to not want to witness one more person going through um, you know, choosing the wrong person prematurely. And so it started the course, Love Starts With You. Some of you have taken. If you're not, I strongly recommend it as you're going through this season to, and Darlene is great. She works with a lot of our clients going through that too, um, and our team, to remind yourself to almost reprogram your hardwire to the identity of who God made you to be, to have your purpose, to have your heart fueled, to have your heart full and on God first, and to know really the direction of where love will be in your future to attract the like-minded person. And then, of course, you get enough people going through the course, knowing who their identity is, starting to match them. And that's truly when one true match was born. And God was like, This is your mission now to help, you know, my individual children. So we uh truly feel blessed every day that we have this honor and this gift that God is our boss, and he is navigating us to not only find his children that have the biggest hearts to prepare them and enrich them to be ready, but then also match them and be that opportunity of that door to open them up to somebody they would have never imagined without the help, which online dating is very hard to do alone. That were there to really help guide them through both uh both sides of it, right? Because a marriage and a relationship, there are two sides to the point, and God is the glue, is what I say. So love those answers. Okay. What is a word of advice you would share with divorced men and women as they prepare to get back into the dating world, which you, darling, work with a lot as she is enriches people and prepares them.

Darlene Daniels 10:07

Well, you know, that's a that's a huge question question. And what what word? But what really comes to mind, if I could just say one word of advice to anybody getting back into the dating world is heal first, reflect deeply, then move forward with intention and faith and truth. You know, divorce doesn't, you know, edify who we are, right? Um, it stretches you, you know, you learn, it teaches you things that you didn't even know before, you know, you learn. Um, so before we jump back into dating, taking the time to reconnect with who you are right now is the most important part that I have found working with so many people along my path.

Jennifer Orr 10:50

I think being the matchmaker, the biggest piece of advice I can give anybody is to really disconnect from the emotions that were involved in your divorce. That when I hear them and they're able to um speak positively about an ex, I mean, that's a whole nother topic about things not to do. Right. Um it comes up a lot. Yeah. Just me working with the client, I can tell by the way they speak of their ex in the experience. Are they really ready? Have they disconnected from all of those emotions? Yeah, and done the work. Have they worked on themselves first, right? Um the past is in the past. That prop that that is the base piece of advice that you you need to life is a forward motion, and that's where we're going. We're not that there. We're ahead.

Signs Someone Is Truly Ready

Renee Richel 11:46

So which I love that you say that, and I think I brought that up in the last chat. That, you know, we ask everybody when we're interviewing people, obviously, as matchmakers, it's like, okay, we ask all these questions. I like to know their timeline from childhood to who they are today. Not that we're judging, it just gives us a little bit more of an understanding of how they respond and react and feel and you know, whatever. But also we always ask that important question of what's your relationship history? And you know, some get a little nervous with that question, but it's and it's not to judge, it's not to, oh my goodness, you've been divorced. We've heard it. Some people have been divorced three, four times, right? Like, I mean, it's it's obviously nobody's dream. But then what we want to do is we want to change the pattern, right? Because we're all creatures of habit. So we continuously do the same thing. What we want to help people do is stop the same result, which was a fascination to me, is like, why do I keep attracting all the same type of people? Well, because they're all tall, dark, and handsome, right? That was my biggest problem, right? That then it didn't matter about the other things. So as we're this question, I think it's so important, like Jen said, like when you share your story, you shouldn't still be emotional about it. You should always, we go through this thing that's called a highlight reel, basically, of your life, which is also not anything negative, but also just speaking light and also sharing like what you've learned from it. So, because it's not always somebody else's fault, right? It takes two to tango and you chose to also equally be in this relationship, no different than them, right? And so we also talk about when it comes to getting back in the dating world that I see all day long, and I know our team does too, is you've got to know your worth. Because especially today's topic is about divorce. Like when you go through that heartbreak and that heartache and that feeling like you have failed, right? God forgives us every day. Every sunset, every sunrise is a new day. And to not beat yourself up, but to also like then now know your worth because you also know what you're not going to stand for, or what you also know that, you know, you've got idiosyncrasies you had no idea until you live with somebody all the time that are important to them when you're not interviewing them, but as you're getting to know somebody in a playful way, asking those questions so that you also know you're not teeing them up or yourself with failure again, right? Um, which again is the more you have deep conversations with like, you know, some type of relationship coach or just diving into this question, what is your relationship history? And spending really time reflecting on it and sharing the highlight of what you learned from it is an art in its own to truly then be ready. How do you personally know that a client of yours is ready after divorce for a new relationship? This one's gonna go to you because you test and measure whether or not when we uh start working with the client, we want them to be ready. We don't want them to figure that out as we're already working with them.

Darlene Daniels 14:47

That's a powerful question. And because readiness is everything, and um it's about the transformation, it's about the path. You know, I sometimes don't know how long somebody's been divorced or you know, how long it's taken them to heal. We try to find those important questions out, but I I know a client is ready for a new relationship when I see um three things emotional, clarity and personal accountability, along with their spiritual grounding. So those are what I look for, and um yeah, so clarity is important.

Renee Richel 15:26

Yeah, what we love with because we are all about psychological, emotional, and physical readiness. And I think that's the thing that sets us apart. I'm not trying to one true match back, right? But like I also feel like it's important as I walk through this journey myself. And I have literally gone from ground zero of realizing I don't know anything, to then unfortunately going through a divorce, to then getting back in the dating world, which is so different when I was dating in my 20s, 30s, whatever, right? In today's day and age, to then be like, wow, it's a tough market out there, to now be happily engaged and married and dated and gone through my own process to also truly, truly realize that, like exactly what you said, I think it's so important the gift that we go through the steps with each person in a sensitive manner, with our pastors, Darlene, our you know, our team of um relationship coaches, love coaches, go through what's called a 30, 60, 90 day plug-in. And it's huge because not only are you working with the matchmaker that's also interviewing, finding you true lab and going through that journey, you have a team to support you because dating today alone, you're only one side, right? And your friends or family and your prayer group are great, but guess what? They're on your side, your side. And so by, you know, working with a coach or in this general sense that yes, matchmaking is a little bit more expensive than online dating, obviously, because you're also getting a live human walking through the other side to then prep you and prepare you so that you can truly be the best version of yourself also in the other relationship to give that feedback, I would say, right, Jen.

Jennifer Orr 17:05

I agree. Yes. I mean, for me, I'm I'm less clinical about it. Um, when they're talking to me, I just I try to get a sense, again, about how they talk about their past, how they talk about themselves, um, their clarity of what they're looking for, um, and openness. Um, people that are excited about the future and open to the possibilities and want to trust the matchmaker. Um, you know, that gives me a real sense of are they ready? Are they beyond what was? Right.

Hard Talks That Prevent Divorce

Renee Richel 17:40

Or can be or their list, right? Like, do they have an open mind? Because I can't, I mean, we're in this business all day long and doing it for all the years that I have. I cannot tell you how many of our clients are not with who they told us they wanted from the beginning. And I don't mean that they're going, they're they're lessening their standards, they're not. They just actually didn't elevate it enough to what is actually more important than just the physicality. And they are madly in love with each other and they are happily married and they are very sexually married happily together, right? So, like there is that physical there. Um, but when we get in our own way and we kind of try to tell God what it is we want, again, we're only one side of it. Somebody else has to want you back, equally the same, right? So I'm sure Darlene also knows how to how to test that readiness that comes on so many different levels, which we appreciate your work to then pass them along to us because we don't want to waste our time, appliance time, or matches time when somebody is not truly ready. Because think about all the dates you've gone on and you think, why didn't this work? Why didn't it work? Well, maybe it's also you, right? Because we need to behold ourselves from whatever we might be bringing in because you respectfully would want somebody to do the same for you. So your prep is what you're praying for your mate that they're prepping alongside of you differently until you meet is why the timing is all in God's hands. Okay, what hard question topics do you think a couple should discuss in the dating engaged slash married season that could potentially help lower the risk of divorce? And I love this question. I don't know who asked this question. Great question.

Jennifer Orr 19:28

I think um money should be brought up, but family, that dynamic and what that looks like for you, what your expectations are of your partner, your spouse, how they fit into it, because the the reality is a lot of divorces will end with there's children involved. Right. And how do we marry, marry that um and make that work? And how is that how does that look? Yeah, what are your expectations?

Renee Richel 19:55

Yeah.

Jennifer Orr 19:56

Expectations, like you know, are are important.

Darlene Daniels 19:59

So this is such a important question when you think about it, but someone getting ready to get into the dating world, because strong marriages aren't built just on chemistry alone, right? They're built on courageous conversations. So I would think that, you know, touching on emotional wounds and past relationships, um, communication and and conflict styles, we, you know, being that good listener because we all have a way of communicating, faith, value, and purpose, um, money and financial uh mindset, you know, that that obviously, and and there's so much more just beyond these questions that categorize that that they're categorized, um, that I would dive deep into boundaries, fertility, and expectations are a real huge one, right? Um, some people really don't really know what their expectations are. Intimacy, affection, and emotional needs. And we talk of all that, and um in Love Starts With You, which I think is such a a great tool. And um, I think everybody needs to do that, just that that particular program, because of the uh capability of unfolding and learning more about what they don't want to bring into the next relationship and how they can grow from it, and uh lifestyle and vision and how your daily life you mentioned the other day, are you a AM person or a PM person? You know, identifying, you know, your daily life. And there's more and there's growth and change. And so um, my closing advice is I tell, you know, when I work with couples is don't be afraid of the hard conversations.

Renee Richel 21:44

Right. Be with somebody you can actually have the hard conversations with that aren't judgmental. I always, you know, my whole team knows they do it with my husband too, is I was like, all right, just give me the subject line neutral gear. And I am instantly now not, I'm like, okay, this is. Going to be something heavy, light, easy. I have no idea, but I am going to. That means I am just I'm not going to respond, right? Or whatever it is. But it helps because when people are darting stuff at you all day long and you're in, I have no idea what's in your head. I well, obviously other than we're talking about this, but you don't know what your audience is and what's going on in their world. So to just dart out whatever it is, like God gave you two ears and one mouth, right? So listen more than you speak and think through before you talk, which I mean, all part of this trying to go back to our subject and not get off of it, is we have also we give to our couples as a gift once they're starting to date, even in like week two or three, which sounds a little bit crazy, right? But we are intentional in our introductions, we're intentional in our um, you know, accountability for both our client and match. And when they start our talking, I'm like, have fun, right? Get to the third date, then focus to the fifth and then the seventh. And then when they're talking for two or three weeks, we're like, we're gonna send you both 122 questions. Well, it's fun to ask, which are these big topics that Darlene just rambled off, and obviously you're sharing too, that are like they should be fun, right? And I talk when we talk about finance, that scares everybody. So we have a terminology in our Love Starts With You course course called stay and ask and be financially sexy, right? Like you are not going to want to be with somebody that is a hot mess and debt. And if you're going, obviously, either you're going through divorce, you're going to be finance is usually a big reason of why a marriage falls apart. It's not because you weren't sexually attracted to each other, obviously after marriage, right? But like it's typically because of finance is what they say, and obviously children. And so it's like we help people to through other leaders and resources we use to kind of know your pace when it comes to finance to talk about those things. Because if you got somebody that's a huge saver and you have somebody that's a huge spender, okay, so who's gonna be doing the accounting, right? Who's gonna be then okay? I I need you to stop being so frugal, right? But I need you to also stop spending, like we also like what would our dream life look like? Because that's always a fun subject to talk about. What would that look like? And how everything you do, work it backwards to get the result to hold you accountability, accountable for success. So I love all these little uh tips you're giving our audience.

Darlene Daniels 24:23

I just have a visual about uh about buying things and putting in the trunk of your car. Yeah, getting home. Where have you been today? Oh, I just met a girlfriend.

Jennifer Orr 24:32

Oh, I've had so many check out people at like Marshall's or TJ Maxx. And I'm like, how are you gonna get this in the house? And I'm always like, I'm gonna walk right in.

Why Counseling After Divorce Helps

Renee Richel 24:42

Right. So also know your husband's limits, right? In that regard, or you know, choose one that is financially sexy prior to any of that, because that is, I mean, you know, it's it, and we say this with light, right? We also know that a lot of people that are gonna be listening to this are either in the beginning of it, the thick of it, or starting to try to get back into dating. So we're not sitting here saying it's easy, it's not. I wish, and that's why we're doing this podcast, is like, you know, I wish I was told a lot of these things. It's hence the reason why I've created all these questions. And I'm like, gosh, if I knew this, I mean, I put my husband through it all. He's like, I think I was being interviewed for two years. I'm like, well, sorry, but you know, at the end it all worked out, right? But it's true, and it's not that it should be fun, but it's like you really want to know, especially if you've been divorced, you want to know them through the seasons. You want to go through, you know, we went through a lot of ups and downs and hard times, but we became stronger through each little piece of it. And that's how you want to measure your growth and your success with now choosing the next right person going forward and sending them to Darlene if you're starting to date on your own, so that she can do the readiness test kind of evaluation on somebody because you never want to waste time. Like we have clients that every once in a while they meet somebody and like, perfect, send them to us. We will put them through the readiness test because if they're not good enough for you, I don't want to waste your time, right? I want to make sure that you are set up for success too. So, okay, how important is it to see a therapist or counselor coach after divorce and before and during dating? Huge.

Darlene Daniels 26:18

Huge, it's huge. With all my heart, I I, you know, that getting support is so important because it's not a weakness. Yeah, if anything, it's wisdom. Divorce is one of the most emotional and spiritually disruptive experience in a person's life that you can go through. Um, you know, and working with a a client of mine that it took her five years. I I watched every like all this turmoil that she was going through. But it didn't it it can impact your identity, right? Because, like you said earlier, you know, you know, I'm gonna learn how to be a learn how to be married. I'm gonna learn how to um, you know, build my own self-confidence or or just have faith in this walk. And when it's all said and done, a therapist can help you heal emotionally, trauma and deep wounds for sure.

Renee Richel 27:10

I couldn't agree more. And I think the ones that feel that it's hocus pocus or that I'm admitting I've done something wrong or I failed are the ones that I'm like, you want to steer away from. And I'm not trying to be harsh, rude, or mean, but there are times when we ask, you know, what's your relationship history? And we're like, okay, so what was your healing process? The ones who've gone through divorce care, the ones that then went through a healing period, like I shared in the last podcast, I'm glad that I took time off to know who I was for a good chunk of a period of time because I was always jumping in from relationship to relationship. So I'm just carrying over baggage in each relationship. So then when I had this growth period of like three or four years of like also knowing who you are, that's what prepared you then for more success down the road.

Darlene Daniels 28:00

So just to uh the cap on that, it's so support gives you perspective, right? It recognizes your red flags, it it gives you that honor and worth that that we sometimes lack. Um, and it breaks generational and relational cycles. Generational, you know, I call it iniquity. You know, why why why did you keep repeating the same pattern over and over and over again? Because that's what you knew.

Renee Richel 28:27

Because so many of the decisions we make are emotional, right? And especially in the thick of a divorce, it's all emotional. Like all you're doing is making emotional, real true decisions, right? So it's also like getting that help before, during, and after is only, again, a gift for you and your future mate, right? What would you say, John?

Jennifer Orr 28:50

I um I agree. I think that it's very important to seek um therapy and help um counseling, whether that is through your pastor, a professional counselor, um, but somebody outside of yourself, outside of your bubble, outside of your immediate network that can give you another perspective and another outlook and support.

Renee Richel 29:16

Yeah, and it's one of the biggest reasons why not only do we, you know, check your readiness, we hunt and find you, right? Somebody that's compatible for today and the future, but we stay with our couples after they're married. So we do what's called quarterly enrichment for the first year, checking in on the couple, making sure they're, you know, but then what I always say, it's great, but then there's nothing for you when you're dating, or what do you do after you're married? And we're like, there's no one better that if you're having some rocky roads, and then we'll stay in touch with our clients, you know, our couples now married, like twice a year, kind of just checking in on them. Because the thing is we want to get ahead of it instead of something be a problem. And then it's too late. Because as I'm sure our audience knows, usually when you get to the point of going to counseling, the line is already in the sand. And that counselor has so much pressure on them because this couple is either going to do three, five, or maybe 10 sessions. And if it didn't shift, they are having to clean up 25, 10, who knows, six years, seven years of turmoil. And if you think about it from the standpoint of, you know what, I want to do this right the next time. Please hear what we're saying. Because A, we've walked it, we witness it, we hear people's stories. Today is the day to enrich and prepare for the investment, which is the biggest investment you'll ever make in your entire life, is love, right? Human love outside of God and your devotion to Him, but is to also then literally set yourself up to be doing these like quarterly enrichments because you want a partner that's gonna be doing insane. So when I hear people say, Oh, they don't believe in therapy, and I don't believe you have to be in therapy all the time. I really don't. I feel like, you know, each check-in you should be able to like grow from and then go back in and then grow more.

Jennifer Orr 31:05

I do have one introduction. I love that you just brought that up, though. Yes, that it's important to also recognize, though, that therapy should also be something that you work through, you fix, and you move on. Clients or people that constantly will use my therapist says if they start a sentence that way, yeah, we it's definitely a road.

Darlene Daniels 31:26

And therapy today is good. You know, a long time ago it wasn't. You kept it hidden. And so it's it's healthy. Yeah, it's healthy to say, hey, I recognize I have some issues here with my relationships, and I really want to become, you know, more enlightened and and and full of love and light and full of gratitude to move forward to have a meaningful relationship.

Questions That Reveal Healing

Renee Richel 31:48

Yeah, and I think uh from I know exactly what you're talking about, Jen, because we're in the world, we're in all day long. Like I say to everybody, so I and I share this on my last podcast, when I was going, when I go through anything, the first thing I do is I turn to God first, I pray about it and I literally get on my knees when it's big, right? And I'm going to, and in our course, we talked about the 72-hour role because I'm like, I want to hold myself accountable for 72 hours to not talk to anybody, right? And so, like when we do hear, you know, some of our clients, and we believe in therapy because everybody's going through stuff we do, we get it. And a lot of our clients are like top-notch company owners and things like that. So I get it, and I'm an owner too. Like, trust me, we all need that because you're making big decisions at work, you're making big decisions at home, you're making decisions for your kids, all the things, right? Like, I get it. I do. I think it's also, I want to hear, we want to hear. If you do have this plug-in with the therapist, what have we learned from this? And it should come from your own words, is what I'm trying to say, instead of, well, my therapist told me, because at the end of the day, you know, your therapist should not be your best friend. Like we tell our clients all day long that are like, oh my gosh, let's have coffee. Let's have I'm like, no, until you are matched, right? My job is to be a professional advocate for you, helping to guide you. I can't cloud that path with our friendship. I just can't, because then we will lead to no different than all your friends and everything else. And my mission is to get you where you've come to us in the beginning for a successful relationship. So I need to be there to guide. My point is, it's just really, really important to reflect on what somebody tells you and then put it into your own words so that when you're asked these questions, you don't say, Well, my therapist said that. Because remember, your therapist is only on one side. We have so many therapists we work with and counselors and everything else, and we talk to like, you know, Darlene and our team or whatever. And the truth of it is, is like, you need to hear the other side, right? So your friends and family are great, but they are always going to choose your side. So us, on the other hand, need to hear the other story for that constructive criticism that nobody likes to hear, but for improvement. And that is an art, it is a skill. It's trust me. From our standpoint, I don't like giving bad news. We're on the front line that have to do that because we get both feedback from both sides. So, anyways, talking to our divorce people or about to go through it, the truth of it is you can't do it alone. You can't. Dating alone today is hard enough. So trust the experts, whatever that path is for you, and always seek got like a thirst for what God is trying to teach, right? To improve your life on for your purpose and your passion. And that's what the focus should be. Not the identity that you feel, the situation you're going in, and how will the world think of me? It's more like, okay, what is my story from this? What have I learned? What am I gonna use this as value now in my scenario? Is something even more powerful. Hopefully that's to find my true mate. Hopefully that's maybe to inspire other groups of people. Who knows? But that should be your focus, I feel like, through this. As a matchmaker and a life coach and a love coach, a relationship coach, um, what question do you ask your clients to gauge their healing and wholeness?

Darlene Daniels 35:15

That's one of my favorite parts of my work is helping people come become honest with themselves and in a loving way. You know, I I I you know, I coach through heart coherence. So healing and wholeness doesn't show up in what you say or what you want, it shows up in how you think, how you feel, and what you choose. So I would say, you know, um a question that I would ask uh a client is what have you learned from your plat your past relationships? What would you do differently now? Um, do you feel whole on your own or do you feel incomplete without a partner? What do you genuinely love about yourself today? You know, can you walk by the mirror and say hi five, just like Mel Robbins would be, uh, you know, I love her. Um, how do you treat yourself when you're disappointed? You know, um that really dictates how you love yourself, you know. Um, sometimes there's another person in the room when I'm disappointed, you know, you need to talk to yourself. Um and then about their emotional relationship, how do you handle rejection and disappointment and conflict? And and this business, as we all know, you know, our clients they come across that. And it's our job to help them not to shut down or to lash out, or you know, just to um learn what triggers them and how to keep calm, maybe through breath work. You know, I work with people to say, let's go ahead and and honor ourselves right now by taking that deep breath in. So we talk about in One True Match uh program, what are your non-negotiables? You know, what behaviors will you not tolerate? Um, these I have lots of questions. I'll just go through this. What do you really feel resentment towards if there's any resentment? And have here's a huge one. This is so huge in my practice. Have you truly forgiven?

Renee Richel 37:15

Yes. Yes, amen. Yeah, the sermon on Sunday was about that, and that's true.

Darlene Daniels 37:19

It holds you back. Exactly. And how many people have we talked to that said, you know what? Well, I don't want to talk about him, or I don't want to talk about her, you know, and I've heard that lately.

Renee Richel 37:28

Which that's what I always say, Satan is getting a hold of you. Do not allow that walk to happen.

Jennifer Orr 37:33

But that's the red flag right there when they say things like that and they have not disconnected.

Darlene Daniels 37:37

And what does healthy look like to you right now? What does that look like? You know, I even asked myself, what does healthy look like? What does it feel like when you step out of yourself and you look back or you walk forward? What do you want people to see you as? So this is probably one of my favorite parts of coaching. I talked to a new client today, and what I really loved about talking with this person is that she's done the work, and she that was one of my first questions in my 30-minute touch point today. It was what I wanted to know if if she was healing. And so healing doesn't mean you're perfect, right? I mean, we all go through trauma and trials and tribulations in in our lives, and you know, it's like it means that we're aware and that we're accountable and that we're committed to growth. Because if we're not growing on an individual basis every single day, then for the matchmakers, it's like, you know, you want to know their truth. You want to know, you know, where they are in their healing process. So whether it's inner work or you just you're preparing for the relationship, you be you prepare to be that healthy partner.

Renee Richel 38:47

Yeah. Yeah.

Darlene Daniels 38:49

Period.

Renee Richel 38:49

And I mean, when we're interviewing people all day long, when our clients know who they are and they are whole and they are ready, they also want somebody. The reason they've come to us is because they, you know, obviously want expert help because they've realized it hasn't worked on their own, but also truly because they're like, I want somebody else that has an intellectual curiosity. What does that mean? That means somebody that is has a thirst for constant learning, right? Or wants to be, because we are on this earth for such a short period of time. And so every day we wake up and I have a conversation with God. Okay, what do you want me to do today? I am your student. What is that? Right. And so, like when we have that mindset, it's also like that positivity and that excitement and like what draws people in, because it's not just looks, it's also how do you show up? How are you positive? How are you excited about life? Or are you just plateauing and just right? What we tell ourselves is what we will believe. So to pick up back off what you said, because I love the you said something about a mirror. This sounds like the most crazy exercise, but I tell everybody look at yourself, look at yourself through the lens of God in the mirror, and you tell, ask yourself, literally, I'm looking at the camera right now. So you, right? Do this in the mirror and say, Am I truly ready? And only you in your heart knows that, or are you messing with yourself and believing something that is a lie? And so when you ask that question, I'm so passionate about, because you can fake it till you make it, right? You can do whatever. But the truth of it is when you stare yourself dead in the eye, and if you can lie to your own self dead in the eye, then you have a whole nother problem, right? Maybe that's your ex. Who knows? I have no idea. But like, it's so important to like know because that's your truth inside of you, that it should be fueled through God. So don't try to shorten that because the more time people will say to us, but I don't want to be alone. Okay, no, you want a relationship, you don't need a relationship.

Darlene Daniels 40:50

So what we want Trump True Match uh clients to know is that we are here to walk by their sides and we need them to be transparent. We need them to be vulnerable, honest, yeah, you know, with us because you know, their information is confidential, but the more information we have that we're trusting in them and they're trusting in us, is that we can we can come together as a community and really help them on that path of finding that they love it.

Renee Richel 41:20

Which I love that you say that. And Jen and I, like there's times people go on a date and then something comes up and we're like, how did you not share that with us? Right. I told tell everybody, and we say this, right? It's one thing to say it's another thing to do it. It's not all of our clients, right? Obviously, but there's the few that every once in a while we're like, listen, you can tell us everything. Everything, the good, the bad, the ugly. Trust me, every time I think I've heard it all, there's even more, right? And I'm not judging, but then I need to know how to help guide you to bring up a sticky subject or something that then comes up on a date that why are we sharing this on the first date? You don't even know if you're gonna ever see this person again. Why?

Darlene Daniels 41:57

And there should be certain questions that you have on the first date. I mean, some people just, you know, say um canny things.

Renee Richel 42:06

Right. And again, we're not trying to filter because that's such a you know word of today's day and age, right? We're not trying to filter you. We're also wanting to like, I'd rather have the tough conversations us before we put you into the hands of true love. Because if you think about it, if you're not prepared, then you could be completely missing the mark on somebody that is, and they say no to you. Right. So, like to us, we're like, we want to hear the good, the bad, the ugly, things you wouldn't share with anybody else ever. This is confidential. But then we also forgive, right? We accept, we understand, because then something that could be a big deal to you, and it is, when it's your own emotions and feelings, it's a big deal to you. But then when we hear, we're also like, okay, we understand that that could be a hurdle, but let's help position that because that is not what your future husband or wife is going to define or not like about you that you've been internalizing yourself, that you've in the mirror have convinced yourself to believe too.

Jennifer Orr 43:06

Um, I think, well, when after especially after divorce, one of so I'm on a different, uh, I have a different perspective than Darlene, because Darlene is gauging their readiness. They're working with me already. And one of my best tools to see their readiness after divorce is I love to ask, um, what do you do for fun? And it's really interesting the qu the answers you get with that. Um, do they have a full life? Do they have a sense of community? Do they have friends, family, interests outside of somebody else? Um, I will say, in my own personal experience, I know that we're not talking so much about ourselves, but in my in my first marriage, I was somebody's whole entire world. Um, and it's very important not to be that. To be, you want You're joining two worlds. Um, you don't want to be somebody's world. You want it's you both to have interests and things outside um of the relationship. So I like to, I always ask, what do you do for fun? Uh, because I think that it it tells me a lot about the person and what they're doing right now, yeah, in their singleness.

Renee Richel 44:18

And it's so funny because somebody brought it up the other day, and I think it was a valid point. It was actually my husband that was talking about it, because you know, we go home, we don't share our clients' personal information, but just overall general, it's like the day, right? As a matchmaker, if our clients would let us film stuff, they would get so much insight, right? But the growth of their privacy and what they learn is what is like watching child graduate. It's so cool that experience. But also, like if you could ask somebody, like, what do you enjoy for fun? But also ask them, what are the last five things you searched for on the good global web? It would give us a little bit of insight of where they're at. Like, you know, talk about spending habits. Are they just constantly masking whatever their problems on any Amazon buying things? Who knows? I have no idea. Is it that they're searching for self-growth? Is it that they're searching for things that shouldn't be searched for, right? Like, where are they? Kind of also in their free mind. What are they searching for? What are you searching for? And think about it. Like, I I position this back to the audience of like, what are the top five things that you just most recently searched for?

Jennifer Orr 45:20

Daeline, murderers, aerial killers.

Biblical Encouragement And Guarding Hearts

Renee Richel 45:28

Well, glad glad she's already happily married. So, right, no, I'm just kidding. But I mean, it's it's true. Like, also, what are things that you like to fuel your mind with to watch? Like you're saying, like, what are things you do for fun, right? If we went on to everybody's, you know, uh streaming, what are they streaming? Are they streaming things that are healthy and good for them? Or are they streaming things that also then is a hobby and a passion? Because then when you get together after you're married in time, that then watch together. What are you gonna watch together? Or are you gonna be in two separate rooms doing two different shows? And like, right? So it's also you've got to, I truly believe no TVs, not everybody agrees with me, but in your bedroom because your bedroom is for resting. And if you're married, obviously sucks, right? So, like, I'm like, a TV is a distraction from that. And it also can really be a distraction just like social media in a relationship, too. So, okay, audience, I'm sure you've gone through some of these heartaches, right? Or just topics that we're talking about in your decision to obviously lead to realizing you're not with the right one. But let's continue these questions. I hope you're finding this beneficial. I think this is really great. Everything that you out there sharing. How do you biblically and practically encourage those that trust you with their hearts?

Darlene Daniels 46:42

So how I biblically encourage my clients is that when someone trusts me with their heart, because that's how I coach coherence, is I take it very seriously. Um, and that's a sacred ground. So biblically I encourage them to remind them who they are first and and not who they're dating, right? And scripture tells us in Jeremiah 29, 11 that God has a plan for us and plans to prosper us, not harm us, plans to give us hope and a future. That includes our relationships. So I remind them that you are not behind, you are not forgotten, and that you are being prepared. And I also bring them back to Proverbs 4, 23. Guard your heart for everything that you do flows from it. So guarding your heart doesn't mean closing it, it means, you know, stewarding it wisely.

Success Stories After Divorce

Renee Richel 47:39

I love that. And I love, I mean, Jeremiah 29, like that is one to me that was positioned at an earlier age when I was really discovering my faith on my own, not because parents were like, this is what you're gonna believe, right? Scenario. And I still have this cross that came to me from a beloved Kristen, who I anyway, she's my torch that started this whole passion about asking, like, let God write your love story, and who is it that you're choosing? So I love that because again, it's the reminder of he has the plans for you, not you. Right. Okay, what success stories have you experienced as a relationship coach or a matchmaker with a divorced client?

Darlene Daniels 48:22

One of my most touching success stories I've experienced as a relationship and love coach involved a truly remarkable woman. Um, she was not only beautiful, accomplished, highly educated, and financially successful. Um, she is someone that we probably see in in the news quite a bit. She and her husband lived in a world of influence and wealth. And from the outside, everything looked perfect. And we know people like that, right? And so when I got behind closed doors with her, her marriage was filled with betrayal. And her husband was not only unfaithful, he was dishonest, disrespectful. And honestly, I didn't know if I could take her and get her on the other side. But um, we got her, you know, through her griefing process, and we helped her build when I say we, I she and I as a team, and of course, she did have a psychologist at the same time, which I encouraged her to. Um her confidence was low. So we just did a lot of healing with her. We began build rebuilding her her life. I like to call myself an architect uh relationship coach because that's what we do. We're we're building, building lives, right? Um, so we began with her faith. Um, we've got we we we started getting her to do uh meditation on a daily uh uh practice. She knows she she had a great relationship with the Lord. So we just needed to really keep her on point. And um she committed herself to being emotionally and physically healthy. She learned how to eat more healthier because she had gained like 80 pounds. Um, so she started loving who she was. So it took a it took a period. That relationship that I had with this individual, um, I've never experienced anything like that before. And if anything, it showed me that when you work really hard with someone together as a team and you walk through this journey, you can truly help them get to the other side as long as they're doing the work. And so every step that I were I took with her was intentional. And she began to smile, she began to live, and she's dating.

Jennifer Orr 50:36

So my current my biggest success story is somebody that a divorced woman who had been divorced twice, uh, that her willingness to trust me in this process has been the key to her success. And she is in a successful relationship right now. They're at I Love You, they are doing really, really well. I think, um, and the key to her success in this in this context, anyway, working with a matchmaker was trusting me. If I said to her, I really think you need to talk to this person, she said yes. Like she was so willing to jump in and try, even if on paper he didn't look like uh what she had thought. Um and here she is today. And um it that's not to say there wasn't trial and error, and there were, and I know you know who I'm talking about, um, weren't plenty, not plenty, but you know, there were there were a few gentlemen uh that she did meet with or talk with, and her trust along the way guaranteed her success. She was all in. Yeah, that's just it, is getting that trust, right? Yeah. And after divorce, yeah, our trust is like right, it's you're at an all-time low with trust.

Renee Richel 52:01

Yeah.

Jennifer Orr 52:02

It's it's that's another judge of someone's readiness, right? It's like their their trust in you. Um, you've hired me because what you haven't done, what you have done has not worked. Right. Right. Getting there and saying, Jesus take the wheel. All right, Jen, help Jesus.

Hope, Next Steps, And Closing

Renee Richel 52:19

Yeah, and to piggyback off what Jen's saying, obviously, I can't pick one particular story because there's hundreds, right? Of working with divorced individuals. And the truth of it is, divorced or not, the what Jen just said, when you keep an open mind to date differently, you get a different result. And to me, us as a team, I would rather put you out with three completely different qualified, verified, and uh like ready individuals and get the feedback on all three because I cannot tell you how many of our married couples today are with somebody they did not imagine visually, emotionally, all the things, right? But it is so much better than they ever imagined. And I hear it, I know you're just listening to me, and until you know one of our clients that is literally a testimony, and there are tons out there. So you want to talk to them, they will walk you through the walk. I think to also share um the other part of it. So, so again, how can you prepare yourself? Take an opportunity of something that God is putting in front of you and try to get to know them for them because it is a discovery process to fall in love. It is not a destination. And so that takes time to allow somebody the flexibility and the freedom and stop judging them after one date or because one thing they said, because when we go back and we ask and they articulate, it's usually just came out wrong. And they put their foot in front of their mouth and they're nervous and all these cute things that lead to like success and funny stories when you tell your love story. So I love that you brought that up. The one thing that I was gonna um share as far as like divorced uh couples, I do feel, or just I mean not divorced probably clients, right? That then when we match them is, you know, I have this conversation with my widows all day long and then divorced. And I always say, which one is worse, right? I mean, because both are awful experiences to go through. I have not personally been widowed, however, Amanda West, who's on the show with us, right, who she has, and I know many of our clients that have been widowed. And the reality of it is, is it's it's something that I feel um our divorced clients truly have never experienced true love. And to the level of what a widow had experienced true love. So they come into uh this new relationship world of the next chapters in their life from two totally different senses, right? Like our widows have to be reminded, we cannot replace them. So it's a brand new beginning of the chapters in your life. Our divorcees, I'm like, my heart breaks for them because they've also gone through trauma and heartbreak and need to be ready, but they also now like they've never experienced true love before. So to have that talent or that gift, I guess is the best way to put it, to work alongside of them to help them experience something they've never experienced before is is such a rewarding opportunity, obviously, when either they've never been married before, that's its own, you know, uh reward in what witnessing them in that. But if they have been married before, it's also giving them that gift of true love for the first time and witnessing that is just an incredible um reward, I would say, too. So, well, I know there's so many more questions we can ask. We hope that you have enjoyed this episode of helping to heal, prepare, and enrich you for the next chapters of your life. And at the end of the day, God loves you, we love you, and we all make mistakes throughout life. And anything that we go through is not a like mistake. It is only setting us up and the stepping stones for our future. So, um, any additional questions or anything you have, we would love to continue to encourage you, enrich you, and be supportive or in prayer. Please write in and continue to watch all of our other episodes on just topics you're curious about and write in things you want us to talk about. We hope you have a blessed week and a fantastic, fantastic journey to finding true love again. We love you and we praise you, and we will chat with you soon. It's been another great talk on this episode of 1 True Talks by Renee Richel. I look forward to our next chat. Please write in your questions and comments so I can be sure to talk about whatever it is you want to discuss in our next upcoming episode. Lots of Love. God Bless. XOXO.